If you are reading the title and thought…, “Oh, not my precious, perfect little Annie Marie”…then stop reading now and just continue with your Lithium popping and pie baking. Also, make sure to iron your apron when it comes out of the dryer. Now, for the rest of us that live in the real world, we give thanks that Thanksgiving break is over. Except for teachers, who deserve every single minute of every break; because they have to deal with our little angels for 8 hours a day M-F. #Blessthem
Now don’t get me wrong. We/I LOVE our children and cherish the memories made baking cookies, decorating, visiting and sh#t. But there comes a point during holiday break where they break us. They just totally break us. We give in. Even if it’s for 5 minutes while we sit in the bathroom with the door locked, we let them run rampant and jump on the beds. Hell, some may even let ’em run with scissors. (kidding) Plus, towards the end of a holiday break, kiddos have had enough mom/dad/home/togetherness time and they are ‘over it’ and bored AF. I mean, there are only so many activities, that don’t turn their brains to mush. And God forbid, we stick them in front of a screen…the horror!
Let me sidebar by saying, I apologize for skipping a week of blog posting! You see, no one is immune to the holiday madness and it befell my household even with 1/2 of my people out of the country for 10 days. You would think that it would be nice and quiet…but with my online business being subjected to Black Friday, Shop Small Saturday and Cyber Monday…I was in full last minute prep mode. Now back to the matter at hand….And the chaos.
This part gets me every time because I grew up with two little brothers and it was full of ‘he’s touching me’, ‘stop looking at me’, ‘he hit me’. Some moms, with more than one child, have told me… ‘I love having 3 or 4 because they play WITH each other and keep each other entertained’. This euphorical outlook seems to change during extended and holiday breaks. Unity in numbers makes the dark shift to ‘they are pissed because they are breathing each others AIR!’. This is Good stuff when you are sitting in someone else’s kitchen watching someone else’s 4 year old meltdown because they swiped the wrong way on the Ipad and now the Daddy Finger song has stopped playing. Or they can’t sit close enough to you, climbing on you…following your every move, actually trying to get back in the womb. **We have a stage five clinger, stage five clinger!** However, it’s NOT good stuff when your man child, and his rescue dog, is living back home, because he is ‘finding himself’. *Cue the eye roll* (can I just keep the dog?) Ever feel like your kids, of any age, are just trying to piss each other or you off? On purpose. You say no, and they just look at you and do it anyway. WTH. I don’t think they grow out of this. At least mine hasn’t yet. It’s like they have a master plan to break us, a mom manifesto to wear us down so they can have ice cream for breakfast. I’m certain they have meetings at night. Little kid gang meetings. #CribsAndBloods
Don’t get me wrong, they really are SO sweet and precious, really. Mostly when they are sleeping. Sometimes you peek in and look at them thinking…how can this angel be such a little tornado? How can this perfect creation from God bring me to the brink of utter madness? I mean who can resist that cute face when they are in the tub and say ‘look mom, I make Santa Hat!’. This, of course, is 2 minutes before the meltdown because the toy keeps floating to the back of the tub. Photo circa 1996, hence the bowl cut.
Finally bedtime. Thank you Jesus. Now, I am the parent, so I am going to google some crap and figure out how to calmly navigate the waters of these defiant, strong willed, eye rolling children! I CAN DO THIS! So we sit down with laptop/Ipad in tow. And one glass of wine/champagne won’t hurt. I mean, it’s been A DAY! But…..we need to check Facebook real quick. Ipad-Check. Teeny Tiny Glass of something-Check. Facebook-Check. Inspirational Quotes about stressed out Moms on Pinterest-Check. Before we know it, the bottle is gone and we are crying about totally messing the kiddos up mentally. Are they getting enough organic foods? What about social skills? Are they having the correct ‘play time’? Are they going to get into the right college? Shit…is he even going to make it into college? He eats glue for Christ’s sake.
I told my husband this exact statement not to long ago…’Sometimes our kids are just A$$holes’. His eyes got large for a second. But it’s true. From the age they can comprehend, they are adorable little diaper wearing bullies. They know exactly what to do to pull our strings, push our buttons and melt our hearts in the process. Adult and step children have it down to a science…but that is a WHOLE different blog topic. When told ‘no’ they will pitch a good ‘ole hissy fit to get their way. Total A-hole behavior. Give them what they want and the tears, fit, etc. will stop. Amazing really to watch. This sinister CIA master manipulation ability should be bottled and sold. It is pure gold. We fall for it more than not and usually give in because the ‘fit’ is in public. Or we are just tired of hearing it. #WeSurrender #WaveTheWhiteFlag #ChooseOurBattles
As they get older, nothing is fair, it’s the world against them and we don’t understand anything they are going through. It’s a ‘whatever’, ‘yeah’, and eye roll kind of world. Because obviously we were never their age, I guess we just *poof* magically became a fanny-pack wearing parent. And don’t even get me started on family vacations. The double edged sword. I LOVE them and not so much love them at the same time. It can either be a pressure cooker where it rains, everyone is infull ‘I’m over it’ mode, siblings are trying to aggravate each other
…or a vaca where the whole family is totally geeking out. Still with a few mini meltdowns. Mainly by mom I think, but only because I was trying to keep everyone on the FastPass schedule. Duh! You don’t mess with the FastPass!
Parents, you are NOT alone. Hold on to those glimmers of hope, those sweet and precious moments. The pure honesty of what they say is innocent and blunt at the same time. Their statements embarrass us, make us laugh, and sometimes make us take a second look at ourselves. Which can be a good thing at times. We are a referee, militant, cook, maid, teacher, soul guide…among other things. A child’s comments can make our hearts melt, shock us and cut to the bone. “Mommy, is this your dumb boss you talk about?” Ouch…so yeah, sometimes kids are just a-holes.
#WeGotThis #ThereIsAlwaysChampagneOrWine #BeStrong #OneDayTheyWillMoveOut #ThenBackIn #ThankGoodnessOurLiquorStoreHasAChargeAccount